Advice from Clinical Psychologist, ROMY KUNITZ
Your Relationship Struggling? Let’s Reconnect.
Lately, more couples are feeling disconnected, overwhelmed, and unsure of how to move forward. The fast pace of modern life, stress, and the demands of work, family, and social media can leave little room for meaningful connection. If your relationship feels strained, you’re not alone—and seeking help isn’t about “fixing” something broken. It’s about strengthening what’s already there.
Couples therapy offers a space to rebuild trust, improve communication, and rediscover connection. Whether you’re in crisis or simply want to nurture your bond, the journey starts here.
Breaking Point: Why Couples Intervention Can Help
As a clinical psychologist with 24 years of experience, I’ve worked with couples at all stages of their relationships. One of the most significant lessons I’ve learned is that relationships don’t fall apart overnight; rather, they erode gradually. Small issues accumulate until they become overwhelming, and unfortunately, many couples only seek help when they’re at a breaking point.
When hurt and anger take over, partners often move away from each other instead of toward resolution. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
The Power of Early Intervention
Couples who seek therapy early, before emotional exhaustion or separation thoughts dominate, often resolve conflicts more constructively. Therapy isn’t a ‘quick fix’ but a space to foster open communication, deeper understanding, and a healthier future together. Addressing small issues before they escalate can prevent prolonged dissatisfaction and the adversarial path of separation.
A Symbol of Healing: The Japanese Art of Kintsugi
I often draw inspiration from Kintsugi, the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with gold, making it even more beautiful than before. As Leonard Cohen wrote, “There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.” Relationships, too, can heal and grow stronger when imperfections are embraced and worked through.
Rather than hiding flaws, Kintsugi highlights them, making the repaired object more unique and valuable. Similarly, relationships don’t need to be “fixed” but can be healed and transformed. Therapy helps couples manage their cracks in a way that strengthens their connection, creating something even more beautiful in the process.
The Role of the Therapist: A Guide, Not a Fixer
As a couples therapist, I don’t have all the answers or provide a quick fix. My role is to create a safe space where couples can explore their challenges, express themselves openly, and work through unconscious/repetitive patterns.
Healing happens through your willingness to engage with each other and commit to growth. Therapy provides the time and space to uncover deeper understanding, emotional triggers, and hidden dynamics that impact your relationship.
Insights from Gottman and Tatkin
My approach is influenced by the research of Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Stan Tatkin, leading experts in couples therapy.
- Gottman emphasizes emotional regulation, showing that successful couples stay emotionally connected even during conflict. How a couple handles conflict predicts relationship success more than the argument’s content itself.
- Tatkin, focusing on attachment theory, highlights that emotional safety is key. When partners feel secure with each other, they navigate challenges more effectively.
Both stress that conflict is normal; what matters is how it’s handled. I incorporate these principles to help couples regulate emotions, communicate effectively, and remain emotionally available even during difficult moments.
Strike While the Iron Is Hot
Relationships take work, and the sooner you address issues, the more manageable they become. Many couples find that once they take the first step toward therapy, their challenges feel less burdensome. Therapy provides a neutral, supportive space to discuss difficult topics without fear of judgment or escalation.
Unfortunately, many couples wait until separation or divorce is already a consideration before seeking help. At that stage, emotional costs can be so high that finding the will to repair the relationship becomes challenging.
However, therapy doesn’t erase the past—it transforms it. Like Kintsugi, it uses the cracks to create something more meaningful. Facing change and confrontation can feel scary, but should be seen as a proactive investment in hopefully a fulfilling, lasting relationship but not one that is perfect as nothing is!
