My Journey at AwareHub

My mental health journey this year really began when I started seeing Pam. I started this year off heartbroken, depressed, insecure, anxious, and terrified of the future. I didn’t know how to deal with all of my mental issues, as well as the burden of teenage-hood. I remember in my first session with Pam, we set goals to reach this year. They revolved around exercise, nutrition and sleep, and most of all, self love. Self love was something that I never prioritised or saw as important in the past, as I never understood how crucial it would be as I grew older and questioned my identity. With Pam I was able to learn and see the significance of self love in life, and how putting myself first will always benefit my wellbeing. Pam has supported me through multiple phases of my life such as questioning my sexuality, finding my self worth, heartbreak, toxic relationships, and family struggles, and has supported and guided me all the way. In April, I felt like a different person than I was in January. I was going to the gym regularly, meditating, studying, and was seeing a boy who temporarily brought me out of the phase of a toxic trauma bond. But then in May, my entire life changed. My best friend in the entire world passed away in an accident. Suddenly everything I had learnt and all the battles I had conquered became irrelevant. My entire world paused, and I had to now pick up the pieces of grief and learn how to start all over again. In the beginning I was frustrated and upset by other peoples reactions, and allowed myself to be disappointed by people I felt unsupported by. Pam helped me to realise the perspectives of those around me who just simply didn’t know what to say or do, which in turn brought me much peace and made me focus on my own grieving journey. Grief is something new to me, and something I still and will always struggle with. Pam also made me realise that grieving is different for everyone, and that there was no reason to feel ashamed or invalidated by not crying as much as everyone else. However, I felt that my usual habit of hiding my feelings continued with my coping mechanisms after my friend’s death. Something Pam has always preached to me is the importance of letting my emotions flow, and to not compress feelings no matter how scary or unfamiliar they may feel. With Pam I am always reminded that sometimes that isn’t an answer to everything or a solution, sometimes you just have to be and accept your feelings. Although right now my feelings are still rocky and swing up and down, with Pam I feel I have built a foundation of hope and self love that despite everything, I know I will be ok. I am so grateful for you Pam, and I hope you know how much you help me.